


Shits and Giggles

by Ghostmedic



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Clowns, Funny, Gen, Magic, Puns & Word Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-24 00:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23633566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghostmedic/pseuds/Ghostmedic
Summary: Sometimes a good story just needs to make people laugh. With influences from the Smurfs, Barbie, Harry Potter, and Star Wars episode III or more specifically when Obi Wan fights General Grievous. this is just a fun story that I wrote for Shits and Giggles.





	Shits and Giggles

As I sat on the rafters and looked down upon the scene before me; I couldn’t help, but brood with a stern face full of resolve and power. My black as night robes silently fluttered, but these were no ordinary school robes. These were something special. Custom made by some of the finest magical seamstresses in the world. It had several enchantments, such as a shield of disenchantment, the ability to stop any bleeding, muffle most sounds, and it could even turn invisible, but nothing quite as important as what it was currently doing. Inside the hood lay wait a spell so powerful and complex that it nearly killed the wizard who cast it. The fabric could vibrate with such efficiency that all I had to do was request a song, and it would instantly reverberate into my ears, with such clarity that one would think the band was right behind them. As I listened to my ominous theme song I grasped my Applewood wand. It was 13 inches in length with a phoenix feather for its core. It was neither firm nor overly bendy.

On the floor beneath me in a large opening in the center of the warehouse stood 2 groups facing each other. On the north side of the building stood… laid… slithered unmovingly? Whatever the right word is to describe 15 giant snakes sitting… on a floor was. Each one was about 20 feet in length and could easily swallow a man. At the center was their leader a semi-humanoid so foul and full of hate, General Injurious. He was in a discussion with the 4 of the warehouse workers. They could only be described as Surfs with a max height of 2 feet. If this turned violent, I had no doubt that even with all the power of the magic council, the bodies would be lost for all eternity.

My preparations were complete. I figured now would be as good a time as any. I affixed my Groucho Marx disguise glasses to my face and removed my precious and almighty robe of invincibility. I cast a spell to slow my fall and I jumped down behind the snakes, and because I didn’t want to surprise my foes too much; I let loose a sassy “Hello there”.

General Injurious turned slowly and gave a look of complete and utter shock, or at least that’s what I hoped his face looked like. General Injurious wore a very large and very menacing mask. I’d also like to imagine that the snakes were also startled, but they’re snakes. It’s kind of hard to read their faces, well except for the times when they are bity, and in this case they were becoming very bity. Their mouths were wide open and eagerly wanting me to place a limb within striking distance.

General Injurious potentially shocked face may have been suddenly overcome with rage. Even though my disguise was perfect, his perception was too much. He casually spoke with a voice of unfathomable rage “General Kenobi”.

My name is actually Ken Barbie, but I never worry about the minor details. He will know me well enough. A simple utterance of a spell made my wand awash with a bright and powerful Indigo beam of light. It was an elegant weapon for a more civilized age. Combined with my traditional polka dot onesie of my father Mr. Giggles, I was certain that the snakes would flee in terror.

To my surprise the snakes charged me, but I still had a few tricks up my sleeve. I gave a silent command to my robe still in the rafters and it dropped a large conex, filled with gods knows what, onto the charging snakes. The conex came down with a force that utterly pancaked 5 of the snakes. The conex was now just a rumpled beer can. It was a small victory, but the battle had just begun. The remaining 10 snakes rushed at me. I slowed my breathing and closed my eyes. I would need to be calm and focused to survive this situation. Opening my eyes, I tried to hold back a smile. This is where the fun begins. I jumped to my right. The right most snake gave a lighting quick lunge towards me with its mouth agape. With a quick slash of my wand I was able to separate it from the top of its head. I rushed forward towards the tail end of the snake. This way the snakes would have to attack me one by one. I rushed forward. The snakes were fast, but I was faster.

As a slayed the last snake, I turned to face General Injurious. He remained in the same spot as he was before, with a potential face full of fear and awe. This time I knew I had him. He took a step forward and calmly stated “General Kenobi, that’s a nice wand, I can’t wait to add it to my collection” He opened up his grey cape, revealing 4 wands. With 4 arms, 8 feet tall, and as wide as an oak, General Injurious was certainly an imposing figure. Each arm held a hand and in that hand held a wand, emitting a spell very similar to mine. Shit maybe he had me.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small card. I quickly regained my senses and yelled “its Barbie, Ken Barbie you twit”. I raised my wand and charged, the distance between us disappeared and before I knew it, I was under his shadow. General Injurious raised one beam of light to meet mine and the other three were poised to strike from every angle. I was done for. At least I would have been except for a small detail. “You just activated my trap card” I exclaimed as I instantly teleported behind him and thrust my blade through his chest. I whispered into his ear “nothing personal kid”.

He instantly collapsed. The deed had been done. I wrestled the wands free from his grasp. I recognized two of them. The 12-inch Ivy belonged to a dear friend of mine Commander Sits. The other was an 8-inch Yew belonged to my father, General Giggles. I fondly recalled my memories of those two. My wand pocket on the inside of my robes had enough room to fit two wands. I figured it would be just for Sits and Giggles.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. I felt like the pun at the end was a little to forced and I thought long and hard about wither I should keep it in the story. I eventually decided that it was so bad that it was good and it would be a crime not to include it. Plus it makes for an excellent title.


End file.
